Facing the "noonday demon"

any time of day

Photo by Parsing Eye on Unsplash

I’ve been dragging my feet into January. I’m not sure why. I’m not usually one to stay stagnant. And that’s how it feels. I’m using the excuse that I have a cold. It’s not like I’m reflecting, or setting goals, or even resting. I’m holding back.

Janus is the Roman god of beginnings, transitions, time, duality, doorways, passages, and endings. He has two faces - one looking at the past and one looking toward the future. And so it is in January.

I watch the news and worry about the future. I look back and see what I haven’t accomplished. I watch Netflix and football with my husband while I play games on my phone. What a banal existence. This is a dangerous place for me to be, in my head.

I recall a book I read that names this. It is called acedia. The word comes from early Christian and medieval thought and is known as the “noonday demon.” It is described as a state of spiritual and mental stagnation - apathy, restlessness, inability to focus, and a kind of weary paralysis where nothing feels worth doing. Evagrius Pontus (4th century) wrote about it as the demon that strikes around midday, when the day feels endless, and one feels trapped, bored, or disconnected from purpose.

I am now in ChatGPT reading about it and how artists would get through it. Chat is giving me lots of suggestions. Here is one:

1. Name it without wrestling it.

2. Change posture, not purpose.

3. Keep a gentle rhythm.

4. Allow holy boredom.

5. Kindness toward the self.

Basically, don’t fight it, but don’t be overwhelmed by it. The antidote is not discipline, but compassion.

Now that I have named it, I know it will pass. It helps to know that other creatives have similar experiences with acedia. If you are one of them, I hope this has given you some hope. Do some exploring for other ways to get through acedia. Let me know what you find.